Spouse As Best Friend?

A common question among couples, particularly newlyweds: Should my spouse be my best friend? My wife, Cynthia, offers a thoughtful response…


Your spouse is (should be) on another level than “best friend”.

A spouse should be

  • the first person you share important, personal information with (i know everyone has their own idea of important)
  • your lover (and no one else qualifies)
  • someone you enjoy spending time with and make an effort to spend time with regularly 
  • the person who knows you best
  • the person who prays for you the most and knows how to pray for you best 
  • trustworthy and secure enough to allow you to have other friendships

The danger in having other “best friends”

  • when you go to your friend with issues before you go to your spouse
  • when you talk bad about your spouse to your friend
  • when the friend is the opposite sex
  • when girls allow their need for chatting with their girlfriends to compromise their attention to their husband
  • when guys allow their need to do “buddy activities” with their buddies to compromise their attention to their wife

The danger in not having any other friends

  • girls put pressure on their husband to listen to their every detail when they could have a friend to share some things with
  • guys put pressure on their wife to do things with them that the wife doesn’t want to do just b/c he wants a buddy there (golf, a movie, skiing etc.)
  • missing out on sources of encouragement, rebuke, and outlets for fun

In conclusion: yes, I believe it is healthy to have friends besides your spouse, but your spouse is much more than a best friend. 🙂