To All The Not-Yet-Married Christian Dudes,
2012 is the 35th year of my life. The most lamentable moments of these years are the ones where I did not walk in wisdom. Though I have found forgiveness in the grace and mercy of God shown through Jesus Messiah, the memorable consequences are painful. I want to help you avoid similar pains. If you have a girlfriend, guard your heart and hers until the day you propose marriage.
Ways & Whys To Guard Your Heart & Hers
(regardless of how long you’ve been together)
- Don’t say “I love you” until the moment you propose.
- Don’t fantasize together what life will be like “when we’re married” until the proposal.
- Don’t use each other to satisfy sexual desires until you’re married.
- Don’t spend extended time in prayer with one another until the proposal.
Guarding Your Heart Reflects God’s Design. God did not intend for one guy to profess his love to multiple (living) girls. His design is that one man and one woman commit to each other until one dies. Saying “I love you”; fantasizing about married life; and, enjoying each other sexually is a physical/emotional/spiritual expression of this commitment. [By the way, it is becoming more common for Xian couples to refrain from kissing until their wedding day. This was unheard of when I was in college.] When we share one or more of these physical/emotional/spiritual expressions to multiple girls – or to a girl to whom we are not yet engaged – we violate God’s design, thus sinning against God, and, in the process, sinning against members of His Family, the Body of Christ.
Guarding Your Heart Honors Your Sister-in-Christ. The words “I love you”; the fantasy conversations; and physical actions can never be undone or taken back. If you share these with your girlfriend, but end up marrying someone else, your heart will be divided. You will not be able to share your whole heart/soul/body with your wife; part of your heart will be with the girl(s) whom you’ve previously shared those experiences. Honor your future wife (and Sister-in-Christ) by guarding your heart now. Let her delight in having all of you, not what’s left over.
Guarding Her Heart Respects Your Brother-in-Christ. If you don’t marry your current girlfriend, chances are someone else will. Respect that Brother by not robbing part of his future Wife’s emotional/spiritual/physical life. Let your Brother delight in having all of his Wife, not what’s left over, thanks in part to you.
God redeems His people, empowering and expecting them to nurture one another. Encouraging one another towards good works in Christ is the clearest display of the redemptive and renewing power of the Holy Spirit.
“Outsiders” to Christianity might be more inclined to listen about the One True God as His people live drastically different from societal norms; bringing honor to one another and not shame.
What if I’m currently doing this? Propose or stop it.
What if I’ve already sinned against God and His Body? Confess and repent. 1 John 1.9;2.1-2: If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness…if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father – Jesus Christ the righteous One, who is Himself the propitiation for our sins…”